Tear Us Down, We'll Rise Again
by lozz0018
Summary: I'm not good at summaries, sorry. There was a pool of blood around her fragile body and her eyes were bloodshot as if she had been crying for years not hours, this was not the woman she was used to seeing, there was something very wrong and she needed to find out what. Who is hurt? What happened? warning involves small themes of self harm
1. Chapter 1

**This is the first story I have done in a very long time, so your comments would be appreciated so I can know whether or not to continue, I don't think it is very good but I thought I would post it anyway.**

**I don't own any of the characters or anything to do with the show**

I went to her house today because I missed her, my new sister. When we met there was many cross words and I knew from that moment we wouldn't get on but I was wrong. I love her so much now, she is my best friend, my sister and my confidante but the woman I saw at that house today was so far from the woman I have come to know.

I went through the front door which was slightly ajar as if the person closing had not had time, there was plates smashed on the floor, papers torn up, the usually pristine house was now messy and seemed unloved. I continued to head through the house and headed upstairs after hearing a loud sob. When I got to her room the sight I was given was sickening, there was blood pooled around her fragile looking body, her eyes were blood shot as if she had been crying for years not hours and her clothes were dishevelled.

'Caroline?' I said quietly as I took in the sight before me and slowly I sat down beside her. I grabbed the nearest piece of cloth I could find to wrap around her bloodied wrist.

'Gillian … I … it's … please … h-help' her response to me entering the room was scattered as if she physically did not know the words she needed to say and she continued to sob harder than before.

'It is okay sweetheart I am going to wrap your arm up and then I am going to get you to the hospital, call your mum and Kate, you'll be okay' I spoke calmly even though inside I was screaming desperate to break down crying, I needed to know why the beautiful, intelligent blue eyed woman before me would do such a thing 'why Caroline?'

'I n-needed to fe-feel something, I, I, I don't do it often, I promise' she begged tears still in her eyes but her sobs were quieter, I nodded to her in reassurance that I believed her so she would continue 'last time was in college, b-but I couldn't cope, John he said, he said I was useless and Kate's not here, but, but what if I screw up again, what if me being ill makes her leave' she finished crying into my arms as I sat there confused, she's ill? How ill? Why didn't she say anything? Will she be okay? Thoughts were rushing through my head at super speed but right now all I knew was she would bleed to death if I didn't do something fast. I called an ambulance, then Celia, then Kate and the boys and now an hour later I am sat by her bedside in a hospital waiting for our family to arrive and my amazing new sister to wake up, I can't bear the idea of losing her now. Now I have time to think and I know when they all arrive I will have to tell them what she said so first I need her to tell me.

She's ill, that's one of the things that made her do this so I can't help but wonder – how ill?


	2. Chapter 2

**I still don't own the characters or the show. This is the second part, still don't think its very good but I thought I may as well upload what I had already done, thank you to those who reviewed**

**Gillian POV**

They say time flies when you're having fun and they say it goes slow when you're bored but what they, whoever they is, fail to mention is what happens to time when you're scared. Just two hours have passed since I got to Caroline's house, it's been 90 minutes since the ambulance arrived to bring us to the hospital and 60 minutes since our family was called and time has been going in slow motion the entire time but it also seems to have gone faster than the entire day so far.

'Miss, you can go in now, she's awake' the nurse dealing with Caroline said as she walked past me.

'Thank you' I said as I rose preparing myself to ask the questions I have been dying to ask for the past two hours. As I entered the room I saw Caroline lying in her bed looking smaller and more fragile than ever before and I had to take a deep breathe to prevent the tears threatening to fall. 'Caroline, why did you do this? You don't have to tell me but, but why?' I whispered to her as I sat next to her taking her now bandaged hand in mine.

'I went to the doctors yesterday and found out I was ill, so I was already really scared when I got home, then John was there …' Caroline began and I couldn't stop the roll of my eyes when John's name came up, of course he had something to do with it the pretentious idiot that he is. '… he said that Kate was only with me because it would help her career and as soon as she got what she wanted or life with me got hard she'd be gone. He said she wouldn't stay long enough for me to screw Lexie up like I did William and Lawrence' she stopped as the tears began to fall once again.

'Caroline, Kate loves you she would never leave you, she knows how much you love Lexie, you have NOT screwed either of your sons up, they are kind, intelligent, happy boys who love you so much and Lexie, well with mothers like you and Kate she will grow up to be just as amazing as your boys have. If anyone screwed up anything in the boy's lives it was John not you' I spoke calmly in a way that I hoped would calm her down.

'I know that he was speaking rubbish now, I do' she said in a way that was so much more confident than before ' but yesterday on top of everything else, it was just too much, I never meant to cut my wrist so deep, I wasn't trying to … you know … I wasn't. I just wanted to feel something because I had gone numb, it used to help in college but, but it didn't and now you're all going to think I am pathetic and useless -' 'no one thinks you're pathetic or useless' I interjected knowing she had more to say but desperate for her to know that. She continued 'I didn't want to die, I don't want to die, that was what made me numb enough to do something that almost killed me, I don't want to die' she whispered almost laughing whilst I sat there more confused than I was before 'I almost died because I couldn't cope with the idea that I might die, it's almost ironic really. I have a life threatening illness I don't want to die from and I almost killed myself' Caroline sobbed the last part so much I almost didn't hear her and I was pleading in my head that I had heard her wrong.

'What?!' the pained cry from Celia snapped both me and Caroline out of our little bubble.

**Celia POV**

It was four thirty and I was sat with Alan, Raff, Robbie, Ellie and the baby in Gillian's house when my phone started ringing, I don't know why but the minute I saw Gillian's name come up I had a feeling of dread. 'Hello dear, whatever is wrong? I said panicking slightly at the sound of her crying, almost sobbing into the phone. 'Celia, it's Caroline, I, I found her in the h-house, she'd slit her wrists, she, we, we're going to the h-hospital in Harrogate, she's lost a lot of b-b-blood, please, please come now, Kate's on her way but, but she's an hour away, so are the boys, please you have to come, now' she begged. 'I'm on my way' I said firmly to try and calm her down before I hung up the phone, everyone in the room was now looking towards me for answers.

'We have to get to Harrogate now, Caroline, she's, she's hurt, badly' I sobbed falling into Alan's arms. We got to the hospital at six because of the traffic and when we got there we saw Kate and the kids all running towards the hospital too, she must have stopped to pick the boys up on the way.

We all went to through the hospital towards Caroline's room and we were just about to enter the room when we heard 'I have a life threatening illness I don't want to die from and I almost killed myself'

'What?!' I exclaimed as pain and fear filled my core, my poor child sounded in so much pain and she looked equally as fragile. My poor little girl.


	3. Chapter 3

**Here's the third part. It was supposed to be part of chapter 2 but it didn't work out so here it is. **

**Caroline POV**

What a difference a day makes. It's an old saying that I've never really paid much notice to before, I mean how someone's life can change that dramatically in one day never made sense, it does now. It is 7 o'clock in the evening now and my life is much different now than it was 12 hours ago. I was happy this morning. I had a doctor's appointment at 8 o'clock this morning and that started what has been the worst day I have ever had.

_11 hours earlier_

_'__Caroline Elliot, could you please follow me' the doctor said as she turned back towards her office, as I followed her I knew something was wrong 'Did anyone come with you today?' she asked and I shook my head to say no and she gave me a sympathetic look proving my gut feeling of dread was correct. _

_'__Please sit down, I have had a look at your scan results from last week and I am very sorry to tell you that my theories were correct and you have got a small tumour in your brain' as she continued to tell me what would happen next and how they would treat it I was barely listening, yes I heard what she was saying but it didn't really register. I had a tumour._

_ '__If you have any questions please don't hesitate to ask me and I will see you next Tuesday' she said as I left her office after what felt like hours. _

_I only live 10 minutes away from doctor's surgery so the journey was quick but what I met when I got home was the last thing I wanted. 'John?' I sighed knowing he was clearly drunk._

_'__You, you ruin everything. Lawrence told me he didn't want to see me next weekend anymore. I know it's your fault, you're the one who screwed up my relationship with Will and now with Lawrence' he yelled at me aggressively. I could feel my breath catching and my heart racing as he continued to call me useless and pathetic, as he said Kate would leave me, I'd screw Lexie up, they'd all be better off without me, I embarrass my mother and my boys. He continued to put me down for another 40 minutes and when he left I could feel the tears start to well up in my eyes._

_He was right, they would be better off; the doctor said I would need a lot of care to get better; I didn't need to put my family through that. Kate could easily do better than me, she is gorgeous and clever and then there's the kids, they don't need me; I would screw them up just as much as I am. I walked into the house and anger clouded over my sadness. I was so angry, I was finally happy and now I was sick, life was no longer going to be happy. I couldn't stop myself, I smashed plates and glasses, I tore up papers and books, I needed to release my anger and ruining my house was not working, I raced up to my bedroom trying to think of a way to feel better. _

_As I entered the bathroom I found what I was looking for, a release. I don't know how long I had been ruining my house or searching for a release but here I was at 2 o'clock slicing into my wrist with a razor blade, I knew when I cut my wrist I had cut too deep and if I didn't get help I would probably die but I no longer cared. I couldn't breathe, I wasn't me anymore, I was scared and fragile, I was broken and I couldn't see how I could become unbroken. I had been crying for so long my eyes were bloodshot and tears were no longer falling but they were pouring, my heart was racing trying to keep my body functioning and my head was finally clearing when Gillian entered, after that the time flew by in a blur._

Present Day

So here I am now, they all know now, the boys are crying on one side of me whilst Kate is trying desperately to calm them down all the while crying herself trying to comprehend what I have just revealed. On my other side Raff is trying to comfort Gillian who has seemingly just caught up with herself and the last few hours, I think I heard Raff say Robbie was with Ellie and the baby at the farm still but I can't be certain as he is hard to hear over the sounds of people crying and asking so many questions. The sight of my mum is breaking my heart she is pale and crying into Alan's arms whilst he is trying not to cry at the sight of his wife. I don't know what happens next but it can't be worse than today, I hope.

The Next Day

**Gillian POV**

We all went back to Caroline's at around 9 pm last night and to say it was quiet would be an understatement. When we got back to the house I went straight upstairs to the bathroom to clean up the blood because I know the last thing Caroline would want the boys or Kate to see right now would be her blood covering the floor, I cleaned it up and I tried to sneak down the stairs with the blood soaked towels so that no one would see them but they had clearly decided tidying the house would keep their minds off of Caroline so they all saw me. 'That's mum's blood? There is so much blood, she, she really could have died couldn't she?' Lawrence sobbed as William walked over to comfort him. All I could do was nod because there were no words that would help right now, Lawrence couldn't stop crying, Kate was seemingly still in shock because other than a few words of comfort to the kids and a pained I love you to Caroline she hadn't spoken in hours and as for Celia, her pale tear stained face was nothing like the face I have come to know over these last few years.

This morning we all sat eating our breakfast together in silence. We all agreed that Kate would go and pick Caroline up later when she was released, the doctor's said that she had to stay in last night for 24 hour observations but then as long as she attended a set session of counselling sessions she could come home because it was clear to them that she had not been intending to commit suicide. Slowly the truths she gave us last night began to set in and there was a silent vow, she would never feel alone again and we would help her get better, and she would. We are a family now and there is no way that I or any of the others are willing to lose her yet. The most painful part of this morning was listening to Lawrence yell at his father on the phone. I don't know how John reacted but he is not stupid so he must know his relationship with his sons will never be the same again now.


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks for the reviews, **

**General POV**

Two weeks had passed since Caroline had been allowed out of hospital and things had slowly begun returning to normal. Celia and Alan were living in Celia's flat at Caroline's but they had begun going back to Halifax again, Gillian and Raff were back at the farm and William was back at university but they would all still check up on Caroline frequently because she was so determined that she was going to continue working for as long as possible.

It was Saturday morning and Caroline was sat watching the news with Lawrence. 'Mum?' Lawrence said making Caroline jump slightly due to the fact that no one had spoken in the past half an hour, she nodded in reply so that he knew he could continue 'I was thinking, could we do something today just you and me, because I kind of wanted to go to that new laser tag place and well, um, yeah' Lawrence trailed off no longer knowing where to go with the conversation. 'Well Lawrence, I would love to do that, I am going to be terrible though, I'll warn you now' Caroline replied with a small laugh 'I will go upstairs right now, get Lexie dressed and take her around to your gran and granddad's, call Kate so she knows where we all are when she gets back from seeing her dad, you can go and get dressed and then we can go if you want' to which Lawrence's only response was to run to his bedroom excitedly.

Hours later having gone to laser tag for almost an hour before giving up and out for lunch Lawrence had resumed his position in the living room except this time he was playing video games and Caroline was sat in the dining room with Lexie. Kate having received a text from Caroline earlier didn't bother going into the house but straight around to Celia and Alan's instead 'hello Kate, what brings you around here?' Celia spoke cheerfully as she opened the door for Kate to enter. 'Caroline said she brought Lexie around here, but I'm presuming that since I can't see Lexie she has already collected her' Kate concluded having noticed that neither her child nor her child's toys were there.

'Yes she collected her half an hour ago, I don't think laser tag was a success, Lawrence looked slightly worried when they returned, he said his mum had had to stop half way through because she was too tired. How are you?' Celia asked Kate as she made space for Kate to join her.

'I'm fine, just scared as always, I can't lose her, I love her so much' Kate began but had to stop because she could feel tears welling up in her eyes. 'Oh dear, I didn't mean to upset you' Celia whispered 'listen Caroline is strong and once she's put her mind to something she will do it and she is determined she will beat this, so she will. Now Caroline invited me and Alan over for dinner and she said to get there for 5 which I believe will be the time in five minutes, so how about we go over there now' Celia said in a way which calmed Kate down to the point where she just nodded.

As they entered the house the three of them stopped to admire the scene in front of them. Lawrence was dancing around the kitchen with Caroline and Lexie who sat contently in Caroline's arms as her brother and her mother sang along to the song on the radio. Celia couldn't help but smile at the rare scene in front of her, Lawrence being the age he was could rarely be seen laughing and joking with his mum however as soon as they saw they were being watch both Lawrence and Caroline stopped dead and let out a sheepish and embarrassed laugh.

The evening was uneventful and after dinner was finished, Celia and Alan had returned to their flat and Lawrence went to his room leaving Kate, Caroline and Lexie in the living room together. Caroline was lying with her head on Kate's leg and Lexie was lay on Caroline's stomach fast asleep. 'Kate?' Caroline questioned as she shuffled her position so that she could see Kate's face, Kate looked at her and so she continued 'I was thinking, I love you, I really do, in fact you are quite easily the love of my life and I'm very sick, I know that but I was wondering would you be willing to marry me because I can't stand the idea of dying having never been married to you, and I would do it more romantically but I don't want to disturb Lexie' she ended with a giggle as she looked towards the little girl sleeping peacefully on top of her. Kate was sat looking at her girlfriend cuddling their daughter with tears in her eyes, she couldn't believe Caroline was saying this to her, it was all she had dreamed of from the moment she met Caroline, as she sat there she saw Caroline's blue eyes fill with fear and her features changed pushing Kate back into reality reminding her she still needed to give her girlfriend an answer 'Caroline, you do not have to ask me in any other way, I love you too and I will most definitely marry you, however you will NOT die, do you hear me? We will get married as soon as you want and you will get better, we will be together well into our 90's' Kate ended her speech as the tears that had been threatening to fall were now flooding her face and she could see Caroline was crying just as much. Throughout the rest of the evening they discussed where they would get married and when and they decided they wanted to get married at the registry office as soon as possible with the boys and Lexie only and they decided that they would have an official wedding party after Caroline was better and able to enjoy the day.

The next day they went to the registry office and booked an appointment, they were getting married in a fortnight's time meaning it would be over a week after Caroline's next radiotherapy session so she would be slightly less tired. Caroline called William and he agreed he would come up the Friday before and after speaking to Lawrence too they were both very excited knowing how happy the boys were with the idea.

**Kate's POV**

Life has seemed so surreal recently, I thought when Caroline and I got back together that the surreal moments we would have would be happy ones like Lexie's birth and getting married. Our wedding will be happy but it is also going to be weird, we got engaged on Saturday and now exactly one week later I am watching my beautiful fiancée go through radiotherapy which makes her tired and sick. A week today we are getting married, it should be a fantastic day in which we are able to celebrate with our family but we decided not to do the big family celebration thing because some of Caroline's family are judgemental and I want both of us to be able to enjoy it so we are going to have our actual wedding when Caroline is better. We are going to do the legal part on Saturday with our children though; I don't care what happens on our wedding day because all I care about is Caroline becoming my wife.

I had to go and pick Lawrence up from football at 4 pm so after her radiotherapy was over I dropped her and Lexie off at home and made my way over to Lawrence. As I got to the football pitch he was already waiting 'hey Kate' he said as he got in the car 'was mum okay at radiotherapy today? Did it make her sick? Is she okay? Is she really tired again?' Lawrence asked me so many questions but didn't give me a chance to answer, Caroline getting ill was terrible but I know how happy it has made Caroline to see that Lawrence does love her, I don't know how she thought he didn't but somehow she did and that made me so sad to hear. 'Lawrence, she's fine, a bit tired but that's all' I reassured him to which he let out a massive breath that I don't think even he knew he was holding 'Saturday is going to be great you know' Lawrence grinned at me, in the past he had had a problem with me and his mum being together but now he seems to have relaxed. He told Caroline and I the night we told him we were engaged that his problem wasn't even that I was a woman, it was that he suddenly had a different mother to the one he grew up with, his dad wasn't involved, but then he realised that was good because Caroline was happy now and John was never really a good parent or husband.

I know that our actions on Saturday may have some ramifications; we saw that when Alan and Celia got married with Gillian's actions but I like to think that they'll understand.

**Gillian's POV**

I called Caroline tonight because I knew she had her radiotherapy today and after the last session she had been really tired and sad but this time she seemed so much happier. We talked for half an hour before she had to go and see Lexie who was apparently crying for her mama. I must admit I have been very worried about her ever since the incident but whatever the thoughts that lead to her doing that were seemed to have disappeared because when I called her we were laughing and joking about our parents antics just like we used to. She told me she and Kate were going to get married on Saturday but that I couldn't tell Celia or dad because Kate and she had decided they only wanted their kids there because she doesn't want it to be sad and Celia has a tendency to obsess over her illness at the moment. It worried me slightly but I promised I wouldn't tell.

I just hope that Celia doesn't act anywhere near as badly as I did when dad and Celia got married the first time.


End file.
